nanakakainggit..why do i feel so invisible?? it’s just the company of books that make me feel secured..
lage nalang bang ganito??i’m always in an imaginary world with fictional characters from the books??
when will ever the vampire draw my portrait so that i can simply disappear?
nakakainggit…why do ifeel so invisible??=(
I love him. And what really hurts is that he loves me too. Not as a woman but as a child. A little sister that he can play with, laugh with, and be free with. He treats me like a child. He tells me a lot of things, like about how he feels, how he’s heart has been hurt when he was rejected and was left hoping. He’s telling me those things because he was confident enough that I won’t squeal it to other people because he knows that I am not old enough to understand those things. Like hello?? He’s just a couple of months older than me and he thinks that I am just a child.
He’s sweet. He really is. I guess, or maybe I am just hallucinating. I find him sweet, and gorgeous, and very manly.. and.. and.. I don’t know. He treats me differently. I go on asking why he just can’t treat me the way he treats other people. In some way, because of that, he makes me feel special and, in the other, he makes me feel left out.
He is my best friend. I guess he’s the only friend I got. I still keep on believing that he’s the one who pushed me to feel these weird feelings inside me. But then, I guess I’m just trapping myself in the past. Reminiscing about the feelings that overwhelmed me when he told me that he love me, the way he hugged me from my back, the weird feeling that stirred up inside, the feeling that I don’t want to let go.
Why should he let me feel all those things when all he’s going to do is to leave me hanging? I feel ambiguous. Why should men be that way? He is such a kid. I hate him. But whether I hate or love him, it always has something to do with him. It’s very easy to quit him. I’ve done it a thousand times. I just can’t stay quit.
For many moments of my cold solitary life (aww drama), not just once, twice, thrice or how many-ever it has been (I can’t even count it with all my fingers in my body), I’ve been telling myself that “I have moved on” these line has, somewhat, already been a cliché for me and the problem is I never grew tired of it.
But this time I just, seriously, hope that it’ll work. Besides, this time I won’t be telling myself that “I have moved on”, instead, it would be a ecstatic “I am over it”. I just really hope that this time it’ll work.
I just decided it yesterday. *grins* ..hmmm.. but yesterday he texted me again. You know, his casual text, he greets me a good evening, mentions my name, says that he was the one texting, offers obeisances, informs me that he’s already home, asks how I am, and you may just think about the other stuff.
Usually, when he texts me, automatically after a few moments you’ll be seeing me at the nearest loading station. But last night was quite different. I got irritated upon seeing his name appear in my inbox. A few hours before that, I was at the stairs. I went deleting his messages in my phone. And believe me, it left my inbox clean. His messages really consumed a lot of spaces in my phone’s memory. It’s such a relief that his messages are gone. Such a relief, that it means that I won’t be wasting my time again, every night before I sleep, reading his senseless messages. It only reminds me how I allowed myself to be conned by an imbecilic XY chromosome.
This morning I was also cleaning up the disk drive of my laptop depriving myself of seeing again his, and our, pictures, videos, et cetera.
What made me decide to do these? Well, let’s just say that I got tired of him. The other time he told me that I was expecting too much from him. Ouch right? I don’t remember what I did for him to slap me with those words. The last time he asked me to be careful with my use of words if I want to get along with his family. Then, I realized, why should I act in a modest manner for his family to like me? I am not courting his family and we have no relationship such as that I have to please them. What was he thinking? Is he insane?
Instead of calling them prabhu and mother, I call them pita and tita. Too much of familiarity, huh? I can’t help it. They made me get used to it and besides they have no objections when I call them that way.
I know we can still be friends, but not now, maybe soon, or someday. It doesn’t matter. Were hundreds of miles away from each other so it won’t even matter. I am over him I believe I am.
i love writing songs..but because of some unavoidable circumstances..i forgot how to do it..recently a friend let me watch the film music and lyrics..
haha..nakarelate nmn daw ako..now i got a new one..i just wonder when i will ever be united with my music writer so that we’ll continue on composing good music..ahehe
they are shooting stars
a spectacular moment of light in the heavens
a fleeting glimpse of eternity
and in a flash, they’re gone.
-the notebook
can a heart still break
once it stopped beating?
-corpse bride
love’s when you can’t even imagine
what your life would be like
without that person,
when words don’t come close
to how your heart really feels.
And even though it doesn’t make sense
to other people, you know
you’re meant to be together.
-hot chick
And mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you
Not even close, not even a little bit not any at all.
-10 things i hate about you
FUNFARE*
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
Marrying you screwed up my life.
I see your face when i am dreaming.
That’s why i always wake up screaming.
Kind, intelligent, lovely and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But i only slept with you ’cause i was pissed
I thought that i could love no other -
that is until i met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting,
The violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s empty
And so is your head.
I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don’t take that paper bag off your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "Go to hell."
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
*Ricardo Lo, "Funfare," The Philippine Star, 10 July 2007, Entertainment, p. C-3
does saying goodbye really mean that
you’re going to forget that person completely?
what if you can’t?
what if suddenly you want to see that person again?
what if you suddenly realize that that someone
is whom you want to be with
-for the rest of your life maybe?
what if though you tried so hard
it’s still that person’s name
that you first think about when you wake up
and the very last thought before you sleep?
-corny huh??
what if all these were real?
what if i really can’t get over you?
though i’ve cursed you a billion times..you’re still..
shut up..
what would i really get by not moving on?
what would i get if i keep on reminiscing on the past?
and lastly, what would i get if i keep on asking questions like these?
i am over you.
i’d like to believe that i am.
but i will.
hmmm…
why do i keep on doing this endless cycle
of falling in and out of love of you??
last question: even once, did you really love me?
it’s SO easy to QUIT you, of course,
i’ve done it a billion times.
i just don’t know how to stay quit.
i never thought i’d feel this way..but now i’ll be consistent to what i’ll say. i’m indeed getting over you and got no plans of stepping back.i hate it.all the nonsense things we’ve done and all the things we’ve said.i hate reminiscing about the how’s and why.now i’m not gonna ask myself whether i’m still inlove with you or not but i’ll be telling myself that i love you no more and that i’m totally over you. i don’t want you back and i don’t want to see myself getting crazy over you again and besides, what would i get if i continue my fancies over you?your nothing compared to other guys.the only thing that you got that they don’t is that you’re a devotee–the only qualification i’m looking for–but then,there still a bunch of them out there.i can find someone new.i’ve had enough of you.goodbye.
